Author Archives: laurencereade

Rain o’er me

22 Sunday Jul 2012

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Thursday 19th July 2012 ko 7.00pm

Pre-Season Friendly

DESFORD 0

LUTTERWORTH ATHLETIC 1 (Laxton 30p)

Att 22 (h/c)

Played at Kirkby Road, Desford.

It was, I suppose the classic reason to do a pre-season friendly, a ground not normally used for Saturday football. With the pitch at Peckleton Road, being relaid, and improved drainage being installed, this fixture was moved across town to Kirkby Road. It’s very much a community facility, the facade of the changing room block reflecting the multi-cultural nature of the community here. Mind you, I didn’t know that the Simpsons live in Desford!

This part of Leicestershire is a former coal mining area, reflected in the pit wheel used as a logo by the home team. Nearby is Market Bosworth, where to the south in 1485 the House of Lancaster led by Henry Tudor, beat the House of York led by Richard III who was hacked to death during the battle, ending the Plantagenet dynasty.  It must be an unlucky place as Lady Jane Grey was born here, before being beheaded 16 or 17 years later after being monarch for only 9 days.

None of which seemed relevant on an evening where the weather was as wet as the football was uninspired. I was fortunate to have company in the form of Lee West, together with the self-styled poor man’s Peter Ustinov, Dan Bishop. Dan’s general manager of Newhall United latterly of the Leicestershire Senior League, and its fair to say his view of that league is less than complimentary! He kept us entertained through 3 dire periods of 30 minutes, where we got throughly soaked.

What seemed to be lost on Desford was the word, ” Friendly.” The tackles were consistantly late, and they took full advantage of the convention that no-one gets a card in a pre-season friendly. If the same tactics get used during the regular season, they’ll be fundraising to pay the disciplinary fines. We did get a goal, just before the end of the 1st third, Ben Laxton picking himself up after being chopped down in the box, to put away the penalty. After that it was simply a case of whiling away the time until the players finished. For that Dan and Lee’s presence was greatly appreciated.

Nurture

22 Sunday Jul 2012

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Tuesday 17th July 2012 ko 7.45pm

Pre-season Friendly

HIGHFIELD RANGERS 2 (Oshungere 47 Bond 90)

BORROWASH VICTORIA 5 (Newton 7 9p 24 Thompson 16 Banks 75)

Att 25 (h/c)

At 3G pitch, New College Leicester, Glenfield Road.

Entry FREE

Nothing for sale

Sometimes you have to accept the less than ideal to get a new ground to tick off, or in this case a new pitch. When Lee and I drove up the M69 to Leicester, I wondered why Derbyshire based Borrowash would want to travel this far for a friendly, and travelling back afterwards I was none the wiser!

The only reason I can think of its the facility. It’s well appointed, with a spacious clubhouse and changing room block, and other than our game Leicester Storm were playing on a far pitch, trooping to and from the block. Annoyingly the tea bar wasn’t open this evening. After handing over a large envelope of chinese takeaway menus to a fellow hopper who collects them, for some reason I felt peckish!

The 3G pitch is brand new too, and apart from the occasional wire above our heads breaking the flight of the ball, it played beautifully. Beyond the 3G is the pitch used by Allexton & New Parks, newly promoted into the Leicestershire Senior League. A brick-built set of dugouts have appeared since my last visit, but I noticed how bumpy the pitch looked. That will need some attention before thew season starts.

So, the game; nominally at least LSL versus East Midlands Counties League, so one step on the footballing pyramid. Some interesting people too, the friendly Borrowash committee, and it was fun chatting to Mark Wilson their manager. As far as I know I don’t need Police checking to obtain the line-ups. For the hosts the problem wasn’t a CRB check, it was that they didn’t know who many of their players were! But when you’re a club that discovered the likes of Emile Heskey, and have Dion Dublin’s brother Clem as your manager, you let them get on with it!

That lack of knowledge cost Highfield the game, as they conceded 4 goals in 25 minutes, with Shane Newton collecting the easiest hat-trick he’ll ever notch. It didn’t help that Highfield lost their keeper Ben Davies to a knee injury picked up during the scpring of the 3rd goal. It looked nasty, but he seemed determined to turn-up for the night shift at work. ” They’ll sack me if I don’t!” Daniel Magalhaes took over his position, but the damage was irrepairable.

The second half was a poor spectacle, as the rate of substutions increased. Levi Oshungere mugged Victoria for some consolation. The lead was restored by substitute Steve Banks before Tim Bond rounded off the entertainment with Highfield’s second.

Not one to remember with any great fondness, but a useful run-out for both sides. I for one won’t read too much into the result.

Codebreakers

16 Monday Jul 2012

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Saturday 14th July 2012 ko 3.15pm

Pre-season Friendly

CROCKENHILL 3 (Golding 9 43 A Triallist 67)

BETHNAL GREEN 0

Att 17 (h/c)

Played at Blackheath RUFC 3G pitch, Well Hall Sports Ground, Kidbrooke Lane, Eltham

Entry FREE

No Programme

Coffee £1

From Chislehurst it was only about 3 miles to Eltham, passing the stunning 1930’s built Art Deco Eltham Palace on the way. As the central London skyline came into view the suburban landscape lost some of its foliage but at no time did I feel in an entirely urban environment.

As a drove into Kidbrooke Lane I felt I recognised the place, but couldn’t place why. I went and had a look at the reconditioned stand, that looked familiar, but it was only when I looked at the clock on the outside wall of the clubhouse that the penny dropped. The clock still says Thames Polytechnic, the former owners of the ground, and I played there as a student for the Polytechnic of North London FC! In those days Thames Poly played in the Kent League but my encounter wasn’t at those dizzy heights, it was in a game for PNL’s 6th XI (I was captain though!) in the SEETECH league and we lost 20-0 to Thames Poly’s 3rd XI. I’d like to say that the scoreline flattered our hosts but my abiding memory of the fixture was the kindly referee finding all sorts of spurious reasons to disallow home goals! Thames Poly FC withdrew from the Kent League in 1992, and the institution is now the University of Greenwich. That was in the days before 3G, in fact the only plastic grass around then was part of a meat display at the local butcher! With the pitch beyond the stand, it looks a redundant edifice.

It’s the oval ball that dominates here now. That said Blackheath do have a small but significant role in the formation of the Football Association. In 1863 a series of meetings was convened in an attempt to create a common code of rules for football.

Blackheath were one of eleven clubs invited and Francis Maude Campbell of Blackheath was elected Treasurer. After a series of meetings Campbell refused to eliminate “hacking” or tripping an opponent and kicking his shins, from the rules, and commented that to do so would,  “Do away with all the courage and pluck from the game, and I will be bound over to bring over a lot of Frenchmen who would beat you with a week’s practice.” A week later Blackheath withdrew from the FA and Campbell’s rules were incorporated into what is now Rugby Union. The club still plays home fixtures at nearby Rectory Field.

That would explain why the 3G pitch was marked only nominally for football, and why there was space to walk behind both goals. 5 or 6 hoppers arrived fully expecting to see Crockenhill take on Bromley Green, it was on the Crocks’ website after all, but instead we got Bethnal Green, a week early! Not an issue, and it proved to be an entertaining afternoon’s entertainment. I will never know though how Bethnal Green failed to score, a 3-3 result would have been more than fair but the visitors were guilty of missing a string of gilt-edged chances, and were made to pay as Ryan Golding hit them twice on the break, and missed an absolute sitter later on. That didn’t matter as a trialist made it safe, and ended the game as a spectacle.

Incidentally Crockenhill’s normal home, Wested Meadow, near Orpington I cannot recommend highly enough. From the scarf collection in the clubhouse, to the stand seemingly built without recourse to a spirit-level, it’s a gem of non-league. Do pay them a visit.

“Third” Time

15 Sunday Jul 2012

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Saturday 14th July 2012 ko 12.30pm

Pre-season Friendly

HOLMESDALE 4 (Carnegie 16 Hiwood 37 Spain 64 Wells 89)

ELTHAM PALACE 2 (Axell 38 Harris 71)

Att 19 (h/c)

Played at Chislehurst Recreation Ground, Empress Drive

Entry FREE

Nothing for sale

It was an apocalyptically bad drive round the M25 to get to the London Borough of Bromley, in fact at the road’s a southern-most tip by Cobham the rain was bad enough to make 6 lanes of traffic slow.

If my recent trip to Bacon’s College was an exercise in renewing my acquaintance with central London, then this one was a reason to enjoy its south-eastern suburbs. John Betjeman waxed lyrical about London’s north-western suburbs in “Metroland,” but he could have done similar work about this part of the world. There’s a pleasing mix of the urban and rural, the major chain shops together with a duck pond complete with children attempting to fish in it!

This is also Richmal Crompton country too, and you could imagine William Brown and The Outlaws playing in the woods, while his father caught the train, “To do something in the city.” The local Wetherspoon’s pub in Bromley is named after Crompton, and you get the impression that little has changed since the 1920’s when, ” Just William” was set. Even the lamp-posts look as if they’ve been converted from gas!

With the weather as bad as it was, I did wonder whether the game would be on, but ever the optimist, I stumbled on and upheld by intermittent hope, I parked up in Empress Drive, with its large Edwardian houses, and narrow road built without mass car ownership in mind. The ground entrance is in the far corner, an unlikely place, almost an apology, strange given this place has a “Friends of Chislehurst Rec'” group for it. The stream of muddy children leaving told me my journey had not been in vain, and there was the bonus of a little cover too!

The Rec’ is used by Holmesdale as a training base, and although the pitch is short, it held up to the deluge well. The trouble is that everything surrounding it didn’t, and I quickly regretted not wearing boots! The match saw a match-up between Homesdale of the step 5 Kent League, against Eltham Palace, newcomers to the Kent Invicta League at step 6.

Unusually the game was played in three 30 minute periods, which did create a small issue for both benches, as neither could come up with a suitable term for the two breaks. It clearly wasn’t “half time,” and “third time,” just doesn’t sound right! Other than that, and the rolling substutions, you could have been forgiven for thinking this was a normal league game. Both teams worked hard, and their fitness will be all the better for it. The final score flattered Holmesdale, but only slightly, the difference being that extra sharpness in front of goal.

I have to say though I found myself enjoyed this more for the surroundings than the football, good though the game was. That, I suppose is a back-handed complement for a side (Holmesdale) that I’ve managed to see play “home” games twice without ever having visited them at Oakley Road.

Clouds Unfold

11 Wednesday Jul 2012

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Tuesday 10th July 2012 ko 7.00pm

Pre-season Friendly

THRAPSTON TOWN 3 (Middleton 22 Cummins 23 Gilsenan 50) Marshall sent off 79 (foul language)

WHITTLESEY BLUE STAR 1 (Hibbins 7) Morrell sent off 78 (violent conduct)

Att 12 (h/c)

Played at Titchmarsh Playing Field, Northants

Entry FREE

Nothing for sale

With Thrapston’s ground unavailable due to cricket, this fixture was moved around a mile and a half to the pretty village of Titchmarsh. Its population is a mere 500 or so, and is the birthplace of the former Poet Laureate John Dryden (1631-1700). The village is dominated by the parish church of St Mary, which seems far too large for the size of the village. There’s nothing too unusual about that, England’s pleasant pastures supplied enough itinerant labour in the past to make a church like this thrive.

In ancient times those feet toiled the lands where the playing field now stands. There’s two pitches, one raised above the other, and both are used in the Rushden and District Sunday League. There’s a smart Pavillion too, built in 2008 and when the rain came, a few of the hoppers used its entrance for shelter during the second half. The agrarian feel still is there with the fields still in evidence on two sides of the pitch. In, one two horses rather disdainfully ignored the action.

The game saw United Counties Division One outfit Thrapston take on Blue Star, newly promoted to the top flight of the Peterborough and District League, one division below their hosts. Intriguingly the fixture was being refereed by Bruce Stevens, a qualified official, but also the husband of the home secretary. It didn’t matter to either side, even with what happened later. Yes there were multiple substitutions, Thrapston virtually changed teams at half time, but this was a good competitive fixture to watch upon the clouded hills.

The opening few minutes saw the mental fight conclusively won by the visitors. Paul Hibbins fired home after 7 minutes, but as the half wore on, the clouds unfolded and the rain fell, Thrapston gained the ascendancy. Jordan Middleton soon equalised from a free kick, and a defensive slip saw Luke Cummins fire home a minute later. When Jamie Gilsenan made it 3 it looked like an entertaining, if routine win against lower level opposition. What made it interesting was what happened with just over 10 minutes left.

It is, of course an unwritten rule of pre-season friendlies that no-one gets booked, or sent off, but in this instance Mr Stevens had no choice, the arrows of desire had taken over completely. Clearly, Blue Star’s Jamie Morrell was the victim of a rough challenge from Lewis Harman. Harman deserved his booking and possibly worse, but when a player (Morrell) kicks out at his tormentor, what option does the Ref have, whoever their spouse is? It got dafter a minute later as Scott Marshall’s backchat to Mr Stevens produced another dismissal, but if you will swear at an official, what do you expect?

It all seemed out of keeping with the resy of the game, and the beautiful surroundings. A satanic finish which produced a furrow to the countenance divine, in England’s green and pleasant lands.

Home and Away?

08 Sunday Jul 2012

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Saturday 7th July 2012 ko 3.00pm

Pre-season Friendly

FAREHAM TOWN 10 (Cotton 17 Shrimpton 28 Boud 33 Tambling 35 Lindsey 44 Wilson 52 58 Roden 53 Robinson 68 Thompson 69)

SPORTING BISHOPS WALTHAM 0

Att 46 (h/c)

Played at University of Southampton Playing Fields, Wide Lane, Eastleigh

Entry FREE

Programme £1

With rain coming down in torrents flooding the A34 on the way down, I suspect all involved were glad of a 3G pitch. Mind you, Bishops Waltham  postponed a reserve friendly that morning, as the opposition didn’t want to play in the rain! The complex, is just about in Eastleigh, and is opposite Southampton Airport Parkway railway station.

There was also the vexed question of who was the “home” team. This is neither side’s home ground, but Bishops Waltham is a lot closer, but the programme was produced by Fareham secretary Paul “Splodge” Proctor. He told me that Bishops had asked for the game, and the £80 cost of the pitch was being split between the two clubs. Splodge was hoping to recoup Fareham’s half of the money through programme sales. He sold 19, so I bought a couple more. The real winners here were the university who did well out of charging student prices for beer to thirsty hoppers.

With the rain still bucketing down, the vast majority of both spectators and substitutes sought refuge on the terrace bar’s balcony. It afforded a decent view, albeit with the tall fence partially obscuring the near side. If the rain had abated, more people would have taken advantage of the hard standing on the far side of the pitch. As it was, I quickly took my pictures, found Splodge for the substitutes’ names and sought refuge back at the balcony.

If Waltham had gone through with the reserve game is the morning, I hate to imagine the thrashing they’ve have received. As it was they went into this game, with only 4 substitutes, no recognised goalkeeper, and only 4 members of last season’s squad. Fareham treated the game as passing practice, and as a means of blowing away close-season cobwebs. Sporting barely touched the ball for the duration of the game, and even suffered the indignity of a non-goal that was, keeper James Webb diving over Graham Lindsey’s non-shot for the fifth goal.

Despite Fareham putting out virtually a new side for the second half, the goals continued to be scored with metronomic efficiency, and the fact that the Creeksiders played exhibition football as soon as the 10th goal had been scored saved the Hampshire League outfit further humiliation. In theory there’s only 2 divisions between the two sides, the reality looked like a good deal more.

The Barrow Boys are hawking

08 Sunday Jul 2012

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Friday 6th July 2012 ko 8.00pm

Pre-season Friendly

FISHER FC 4 (Wilson 19 Telesford 38 Mustafa 43 Haidana 87)

AFC CROYDON ATHLETIC 1 (Jansen 66)

Att 64 (h/c)

Entry & Programme £3

Coffee £1

At Bacon’s College, Rotherhithe, London

I love visting London, in fact when there’s time, I love driving across the capital. With Bacon’s College being set in the heart of Docklands, just below the Surrey bend of the Thames, I saw some of the sights on the way, Tower Bridge, Madame Tussaud’s and so on, it was seventh heaven street for me!

It was easy to park in the new-looking residential streets around the college, and being around an hour before kick off I caught the end of a graduation prom just leaving the college. They looked very cosmopolitan, and smart. The gaggle of groundhoppers waiting, looked a good deal less of both but one, Dermot, pointed out that Fisher’s old ground was just a short walk away. The Surrey Docks Stadium, was once meant to be a football league ground in waiting, but now lies derelict – a victim of a dispute between a now defunct club, and an intransigent landlord. The phoenix club would like to move back there, away from a groundshare at Dulwich Hamlet, but that looks a long shot. In the meantime, an annual visit to a 3G pitch 100 yards away provides some succour.

There’s some similarities for AFC Croydon. Caught up in the maelstrom of the Pakistani cricketers spot-fixing scandal they found themselves in a fix not of their own making. Owner Mazhar Majeed, agent to the three cricketers jailed, was given a 32 month sentence, and there’s still an investigation as to whether Majeed used the club for money laundering purposes. On 2nd October 2010 club chairman David Le Cluse was found dead with a bullet wound to the head, in a garage in Sutton. The club folded in December 2011, and was immediately resurrected by the fans. With the club’s home, the Keith Tuckey stadium unavailable, the new club will spend this season sharing Croydon FC’s Sports Arena, playing in the Combined Counties League. This was AFC Croydon Athletic’s first ever game.

Frankly, it showed. Whilst the facilities wre unsuitable for a step 6 club to use Bacon’s College as a permanent base, the 3G pitch was excellent, and Fisher soon made their class tell. It wasn’t that Croydon, still using the old club’s Ryman League branded kit, were substantially poorer, it was that Fisher were sharper. Perhaps that game I’d watched at Arkley a few days earlier had been of more use than I’d thought! With multiple rolling substitutions slowing the game down, the evening became more of a social occasion, and as the red sun sank, the skyline took on a life of its own. The Shard, Gherkin, and the Docklands Towers gave an unimportant game a spectacular backdrop. For the record, Lee Jansen had the honour of scoring AFC Croydon’s first ever goal, but it mattered little, for both sides this was about picking a side for a season a full month away.

I gave a hopper sporting a plastic boot a lift to the nearest station, and set off on a slow drive back across London, this time making no attempt to avoid the congestion charge. When you’ve got time, and the charge isn’t applied after 6pm, you can afford to linger, but not too long, the close-ups can get rough!

A little tucked away corner in Derbyshire

03 Tuesday Jul 2012

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Monday 2nd July 2012 ko 7.30pm

The Summer Football League

RED LION 3 (Blackburn 38 Smith 51 Mosedale 68)

WHEEL 0

Att 19 (h/c)

Entry FREE

Nothing for sale

There are of course no lack of summer football leagues in the British Isles. Football is a summer activity these days in the Republic of Ireland, and there are no lack of summer “Welfare” leagues in the north of Scotland. In England and Wales, they’re far more unusual, with amongst others the Llandyrnog, and Catforth leagues together with the Tunbridge Wells Veterans League.

The Summer Football League tends to get referred to as the Derby Summer League by groundhoppers, but is actually based around the North Derbyshire town of Ashbourne, famous for its Shrove Tuesday “Football” match. The league isn’t affiliated to the Football Association, and there’s a rule that precludes players who play in winter football taking part. The league started in 1930 as an agricultural league, with kick offs timed around the needs of farming. Even today, the league retains a rural feel, with minimal facilities, and each team having a base at a local pub. Games are over 80 minutes, except for the cup competitions where the full 90 minutes are played.

Red Lion are based at the David Naylor Transport Ground in the tiny village of Mammerton, near Longford. Last season they played as Ostrich, in Longford, but moved for this season, swayed by a pitch for free and uncertainty over a change of landlord at the Ostrich pub. Its basic, a pitch where a field could be, but for a league where changing rooms are deemed unnecessary, it suits the team well.

The opposition was Ashbourne-based Wheel, who I once saw in their previous incarnation as Wheel Inn lose 19-0 at home to Bradley, one of the leading lights of the league. Time hasn’t seen much change to Wheel’s fortunes, at kick off rock bottom of the table with just one draw to show for their efforts. With Red Lion a place above them also with just a point, there was little chance of a high quality game.

In fact the game greatly exceeded expectations, even though Wheel played with just 10 men throughout. In the drizzle, Red Lion had most of the possession, but it took until near to half time for them to force home the advantage, Anthony Blackburn shooting low into the left corner from 10 yards out. Wheel showed great spirit, and in Sean Jones a goalkeeper capable of excellence. His save in the dying embers of the half was worthy of a far more lofty stage.

As the second half wore on, and Red Lion made use of their bench Wheel noticeably tired. Red Lion’s left winger Lee Mosedale, a contender with Jones for man-of-the-match, found the key to Wheel’s defence, a quick “Give-and-go” with central midfield then cut across the right-back. It set up Chris Smith for the second, and Mosedale himself fired home for the third.

A deserved win for Red Lion, but Wheel fought well enough to suggest that with luck and a full complement of players, better fortunes lie ahead.

 

 

 

This Next Season

01 Sunday Jul 2012

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Saturday 30th June 2012 ko 2.00pm

Pre-season Friendly

LONDON LIONS 1 (Keterman 48)

FISHER FC 2 (Oyettunji 11 Wadmore 43)

Att 42 (h/c)

Entry & Programme £5

Played at Rowley Lane Sports Ground, Arkley, near Barnet.

I don’t remember pre-season friendlies ever starting up this early, well not for clubs not involved in European qualifying. It gave me a small dilemna, as I normally use the FIFA rule that places June in last season. However the match-day programme has got 2012/3 so I’ve reset the counter!

The appeal of this one was the ground, London Lions normally play their home games at Broxbourne as there’s no lights at Rowley Lane. That may well change with the new floodlit 3G pitch adjacent to the main pitch. Our game was another step down the hill, on the training pitch. One of two hoppers ummed and ahh’ed but then realised they could come back again for the main pitch! Incidentally, the main pitch is used on a Sunday by Arsenal Ladies reserves, affording the hopper to break every purist rule in the book, all at once!

I do have a slight connection with Arkley, as my grandfather was born there, and was brought up in adjacent Barnet. The sports ground these days is very much a base for the London Maccabi association. It’s a trust aimed at promoting sport for London’s Jewish community, and its principal football team the London Lions, play in the second tier of the Spartan South Midlands League.

I would question the fiver to get in, but the 8 page programme was welcome, and an hour of the game was hugely enjoyable, until two tiring sides felt the need to make vast numbers of subsitutions, destoying the rhythm of the game. With Fisher having no players under contract, this was a game for the multitude of triallists to impress, and its didn’t take long for one, Olye Oyettunji to impress, cutting inside the left back and placing a shot in the bottom left corner.

The visitors were clearly the stronger outfit, and got their second from the penalty spot, Adam Wadmore converting after Aron Barnes brought down Ope Aromona. The second half saw the Lions come into the game a little more and made the game interesting on 48 minutes, Tony Junior Keterman converting Sam Sloma’s left wing cross. Sloma played last season for London’s other Jewish club, Wingate and Finchley, so perhaps there’s communication between the two clubs!

The Devil in the Detail

20 Wednesday Jun 2012

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Sunday 17th June 2012 ko 17.15

UEFA Women’s European Championship Qualifying Group 6

ENGLAND 1 (Yankey 67)

NETHERLANDS 0

Att 5,505

Entry (all areas) £5

Programme £3

@ Salford City Stadium

This close season mullarky isn’t much fun, I’d gone almost a week without a game! But then Chris Berezai phoned, and said he and Chris Bedford (http://pitch-side-stories.blogspot.co.uk/) were going to this one, so why not?

In purely groundhopping terms, this was quite an important one, as Salford City Stadium is only used by Salford City Reds Rugby League team, and so chances for another association football match at the ground look to be slim. A 5.15 kick-off, presumably to tie in with the Men’s European Championships allowed me a run home at a reasonable hour.

The 12,000 stadium is in fact in Barton-upon-Irwell, Eccles, and was built to replace the rugby club’s former home, The Willows. That ground hosted two association laws games, both between Salford FC and FC United of Manchester. It’s one obvious quirk is partial standing behind both goals, 2/3 of the space being simply tarpaulins. The space is there for an expansion to 20,000 but that would require some major adaptations. The devil in this place, is in the details.

Consider the attendance, well under half capacity but sufficient to cause a massive queue from the M60. The official car park costs £5 but is only bookable in advance, so all other drivers are directed to the nearby aerodrome. That costs £5 too, but the queue to leave afterwards was lengthy, and was worse when we got to the road back to the M60. I’d rather not imagine what it would have been like with 20,000 there.

We approached the ground and discovered the modus operandi was to buy a ticket before heading to the turnstiles. Common enough, but only have three windows open is plain silly, especially another was wasted on programme sales. I saw no programmes on sale in the ground. It wasn’t obvious where our turnstile was so we asked a steward resplendent in his “G4” jacket. He asked which stand we were in, we replied, “The West,” he responded, “Well, I THINK it’s this one, not but I’m not sure where the turnstiles are.” I walked round to the corner, and guessed correctly.

Anyone who’s made a serious attempt at completing the 92 Premier and Football League grounds will recognise the ground. It’s what a tolerably ambitious League 2 club builds. Safe, functional, and utterly lacking in imagination. The sight lines are good, but the leg room lacking, the food hot, but overpriced. It didn’t stop many groundhoppers turning out for this one though! Another annoyance was the insistence of the programme, announcer, and scoreboard of referring to the visitors as “Holland”. Holland for what its worth, is the western area of the Netherlands, and it was the Netherlands National Women’s team on show this evening. Still pricing the tickets at a fiver is an excellent move, and it was an obviously different demographic watching the game. Its also an idea that those organising finals for the FA Vase, and Trophy should take a long look at.

With the Dutch topping the group, and only the top team guaranteed to progress to next year’s finals in Sweden, England needed a win to stay in with a shout of top spot. In front of the BBC2 cameras, the game was as dull as the ground was uninspiring. In a turgid first half both sides passing was too poor to generate a chance worth recording. It took a cheeky bit of quick thinking from England midfielder Rachel Yankey to break the deadock. Awarded a free kick just outside the Dutch box, keeper Loes Geurts started lining up a wall, without checking that the referee had signalled an “On the whistle” kick. She hadn’t, so Yankey neatly lofted her kick into the underguarded net, and left the Dutch to argue the point.

After that the game opened up a little, but was never going to be a game to convert any doubters to the cause of the womens’ game. That’s a real shame, as the BBC has invested much in female football, but I suspect England manager Hope Powell will be far more interested in the leaps and bounds the team has made during her tenure.

There was one more piece of poor management as I left. I walked past two large security guards at reception in order to get team sheets for the three of us. I asked the lady behind the desk, and she looked at me in stunned silence. Eventually another guard said, “Sure, how many do you want?” and went and collected them. In the meantime I was treated to the lady shouting at the guards, ” How did you let HIM in?”

I should have said something, but I collected the teamsheets and disappeared into the Sunday night traffic.